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Runtime: Approximately 3 minutes
Incident Report — Lakeway PD Case #93-4471
Date of Incident
November 11, 1993 — 4:32 PM CST
Location
Lakeway Shopping Center, Row C, Lakeway, TX
Perpetrator
One (1) Mallard duck, male, approx. 24 inches
Victim
Wayne Meyer, adult male, emotionally compromised
Parking Spaces Traversed
47 (confirmed by security footage)
Duration of Siege
Approx. 11 minutes (duck circling vehicle)
Injuries Sustained
Physical: None. Psychological: Extensive. Ongoing ornithophobia therapy commenced shortly after. Relationship with all waterfowl: permanently adversarial.
Investigating Officer's Note
"In 22 years of law enforcement, I have never filed a report involving a duck as the primary aggressor. I hope to never do so again. The duck showed no remorse."
Where Are They Now?
Wayne Meyer
Still in therapy. Still doesn't trust birds. Built a website to cope. Claims to have discovered the moon in the Victorian age 'since people before it thought it was a pizza with clam sauce covering pepperonis.' Maintains he was 'aviating with small balloons a century before Mr. Fredericksen in UP.' Relationship with waterfowl: adversarial.
The Duck
Retired. Living comfortably in an undisclosed location. No regrets. Sources close to the duck report it 'still thinks about that day sometimes' and 'chuckles.' The duck has declined all interview requests but did send a single feather to the museum, which has been interpreted as either 'a peace offering' or 'a threat.'
Marcella Meyer
Maintains the duck 'wasn't that bad.' Marriage counseling was considered. Currently tracking how many squirrels the family dog Monty can tree in 2026. Has described Wayne's gladiator physique as 'awesome.' Her relationship with birds remains suspiciously cordial.
Officer James Reilly
Retired from Lakeway PD in 2015. Wrote a chapter about the incident in his memoir, 'Stranger Than Fiction: 30 Years in Texas Law Enforcement.' The chapter is titled 'The Duck.' It is the longest chapter in the book.
"Some events defy explanation. Some ducks defy nature. And some men, no matter how many years of therapy they undergo, will never look at a parking lot the same way again."
— Closing narration, "Fowl Play: The Lakeway Incident"