"Thunder" the Giant Chicken Plush
12-inch plush replica of Thunder, the giant chicken Wayne rode as Sheriff of Clucksworth County. Comes with tiny sheriff badge. Chicken is more feared than you. Machine washable (the chicken, not your fear).
Sir Reginald's Memoir: 'Honk: A Life'
The bestselling autobiography of Sir Reginald Honksworth III, Esq. Translated from Original Honk by Prof. Henrietta Quacksworth. Chapter 7 ('The Meyer Incident') has been described as 'devastating.' Wayne's lawyers have described it as 'actionable.' 347 pages. Available in hardcover and audiobook (narrator: one goose).
Wayne's Rubber Duckie (Tactical Edition)
A replica of Wayne's trusty rubber duckie, as referenced in his famous advice: 'Never go anywhere without your rubber duckie.' This tactical edition features a matte black finish and a tiny helmet. Does not actually provide tactical advantage against geese. Wayne's original duckie was confiscated by geese and never returned.
The Lakeway Incident: Official Police Report (Framed)
A museum-quality framed reproduction of Lakeway PD Case #93-4471, documenting the infamous duck chase across 47 parking spaces. Includes Officer Reilly's handwritten note: 'The duck showed no remorse.' Perfect for any home office or therapy waiting room.
Marcella's Squirrel Tracking Ledger (Blank)
A blank ledger modeled after Marcella Meyer's meticulous squirrel-tracking system. Pre-printed columns for: Date, Time, Tree Species, Squirrel Estimated Weight, Duration of Treeing, and Difficulty Rating (1-10). Also works for tracking birds, if you're into that sort of thing. We're not saying anything. We're just saying.
Wayne's Gladiator Sandals (One Pair)
Replica of the sandals Wayne surrendered to Sir Reginald in the Colosseum. Comes as a pair, unlike Wayne's, which were confiscated individually. Note: these sandals provide zero tactical advantage and may actually impede your ability to flee from geese. 50% off because nobody is buying them.
"HONK" Translation Dictionary
The definitive Honk-to-English dictionary, compiled by the Department of Avian Linguistics at Cambridge. Over 3,000 entries. Includes common phrases such as 'HONK HONK' ('I am displeased'), 'honk' ('No comment'), and 'HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK' ('Wayne Meyer was a worthy opponent. I use the word worthy loosely.').
Bird Feeder (Marcella-Approved)
The exact model of bird feeder found in the Meyer backyard. Attracts birds directly to your home. The museum's Department of Avian Conspiracy Studies notes that this is 'suspicious' but 'technically legal.' Comes with a 30-day supply of premium bird seed and a pamphlet titled 'So You've Decided to Attract Your Husband's Nemeses to Your Home.'
Wayne's Olympic Participation Ribbon
A replica of the participation ribbon awarded to Wayne after each of his seven Olympic disqualifications. Features the text 'I COMPETED' in small, apologetic letters. The original ribbons were eaten by a pelican. This one is pelican-resistant (not pelican-proof).
Goose Repellent Spray (Ineffective)
Developed by Wayne's personal research team (Wayne, alone, in his garage). Tested against one goose. The goose was not repelled. The goose was, in fact, attracted. Wayne's garage now has a goose. Product recalled. Listed here for historical purposes only.
"All proceeds from the gift shop go directly to the Honksworth Foundation for Avian Excellence. Just kidding. There are no proceeds. This is a fake shop. But if it were real, the goose would probably take a cut."